Fifteen of the Most Awful Video Games
For years, once systems like the Atari and Intellivision were in a few thousand households, it became apparent that, no matter how hard companies tried, slews of crappy video games were inundating the market. Understandably, it was difficult for game manufacturers of the day (with their limited resources and electronics they were forced to use) to create anything that wasn’t just a vibrating cube avoiding smaller, gray-er, vibrating cubes, and thus, shitty games continued.
So technology invariably advanced and soon everyone owned a Nintendo, Sega, or Virtual Boy and, inexplicably, the crappy games continued to flood store shelves. The problem now, as I understand it, was hurried design to meet customer demand for such games as Hook and Bible Adventures… because everyone was screaming in agony for those titles… apparently. So, rather that take the time to create more masterpieces like Super Mario Brothers or Metroid, the consumer was forced to try and ultimately smash with a hammer such shitty games as Awesome Possum and X-Men.
So, as we fast forward to the present, it still seems that companies can’t seem to keep their collective heads out of their asses long enough to string together more than one hit. It’s a vicious circle, unfortunately, and we’re made to pay the ultimate price: watching these videos of exceptionally shitty video games. This is a collection of some that we consider to be the most awful. We left Dragon’s Lair out of this article, as we have previously featured it. Oh, and if language is an issue where you are: NSFW.
Castlevania 64
Though not a terrible game per se, it had sloppy controls, bizarre and often wacky camera alignment, and the 3-D effects just didn’t carry the franchise in the right direction. Case in point being that every title before and since has been a side-scroller. It was like playing a Mexican knock-off of Castlevania, like Castillo de Vampiro or something. Just not a great game.
Robin Hood
Obviously when you’re basing a video game on a rather popular film (however historically inaccurate and silly) it helps to have the hero not look like a black wad with what might either be a bow or a penis. Also, when he dies, it is the loudest sound in the game as your Hood turns into a burial mound complete with cross. Not cool.
Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival
Everyone loves the Muppets, right? I mean who isn’t immediately taken in by the exploits of talking socks? Well, if it’s you, then you might be one of the few who actually enjoy this ridiculous video game. Trust me, if you are a fan of such great films as The Great Muppet Caper or Muppet Treasure Island, then not only will this game disappoint you, but it might also make you want to dig up Jim Henson and punch him in the face.
Bubsy 3D: Furbidden Planet
Bubsy was one of those characters that was designed for the soul purpose of grabbing a slice of the pie till then shared by Mario and Sonic. And, for a while, Bubsy was cool; cute, hyper, fun… all the things we look for in a new mascot. And then this affront to video games everywhere happened. And it happened in crappy 3D.
Bad Boys: Miami Take Down
I could do my part by creating a little diatribe as to why this video game is a unadulterated disaster, but I could never do it as well as the kid narrating the video. Trust me: he is poetic.
Hydlide
When creating a video game where roll-playing and adventure is the theme, one could hardly fault the designer for looking at such instant classics as The Legend of Zelda and Dragon Warrior. Conversely, emulating both of those titles almost to the point of direct copyright infringement and still making the game unforgivably crappy is just plain infuriating.
Transformers: Convoy No Natso
This is not, thank God, a game based on anything even remotely resembling the Transformers we all know and love. No, this game, obviously developed by homeless crack addicts with construction paper and paste, is what happens when a property’s popularity becomes so huge that the only choice is to rush the results and then claim faulty wiring as you burn your factory to the ground so nothing like this ever comes from it again.
Night Trap
Talk about horrendous memories: I actually owned this game along with the tragic Sega CD system. I’m still not sure what I was thinking. Obviously technology had yet to catch up with the shoddily-assembled system and watching games, load, load, load some more, and maybe play was akin to a trip to purgatory. I was given the system as a gift, so at least I wasn’t completely responsible. The game was saved by one thing, and just barely: Dana Plato. The system was saved by a trip out my three-story window to the parking lot.
Hook
You know how video games created to follow a movie’s release often have only a tenuous grasp on the actual story line, or, sometimes take the story in a whole different direction making for a continuation of sorts? Those can be very entertaining and cool. This game contains this much of either of those ideas: 0%. It is such a terrible attempt to make something out of so much of nothing that it has banana-throwing monkeys in it. You heard me.
Super Pitfall
One of the few titles for Atari that has gone on to have a long lived history and popularity of its own is Pitfall. Pitfall Harry was basically a pixelated rip-off of Indiana Jones who basically did nothing all day but jump on alligators and fall down pits… but it was fun. However, Super Pitfall was everything the original wasn’t: crappy, worthless, aggravating, and broken in half after an hour of attempted game play.
Awesome Possum
So what do you do when your Bobcat, Bubsy fails to conquer the mountain topped by a mustachioed Italian plumber and a blue hedgehog? Well, you go back to the shattered remains of your hopes and dreams and you suck it up, and try again. Only this time, you use a wise-cracking marsupial bent on saving nature by shouting and riding on bees. Sometimes lightning does strike twice. And hopefully it kills you.
Uncanny X-Men
The one unwritten rule about the X-Men is quite simple, really: Make the mutants look like themselves and have their respective powers/weapons. Easy as pie. Perhaps another ought to be: Make the X-Men always fight kick-ass stuff, all the time, without fail. They are not called the X-Men because any of the following happens: A claw-less Wolverine should frickin’ punch flying pieces of robotic furniture. Yet, can you guess what happens in this game?
Chuck Norris Super Kicks
There is nothing, repeat nothing about that title that doesn’t shout awesomeness all day long. Everyone knows that Chuck Norris is enigmatic and universally revered as the savior of all things worldwide. He is a treasure. And, then there’s this video game. The fellow narrating has done a whole bunch of these and he is at his annoying and comedic best right here. Such a damn tragedy.
E.T.
Largely considered the worst video game ever created with a title screen encompassing the only decent thing in it: The title screen. Here we find the hapless alien wandering around some random and arbitrary scenes riddled with holes, black dots-come Reece’s Pieces, and sporadic appearances by crazed lunatics out to steal E.T.’s candy and/or life. Is it any wonder thousands upon thousands of these cartridges are buried next to Jimmy Hoffa?
MLB 2K9
The simple fact that this is practically a brand new game is reason enough to shake your head in utter disbelief at its laundry-list of problems. I have been privy to its play and myriad issues and I have to say that something like this just shouldn’t occur in today’s amazing video game industry. In fact, playing this game is what inspired me to create this post. There is no excuse for these crappy goings-on to become such a major part of the game so intently that the play itself is compromised. Just looking at this stuff makes me want to hunt the makers down and cave their skulls in with a regulation issue ball bat, Joe Pesci-style.
Did they spend more effort on the packaging then they did on the game?
popurls.com // popular today…
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This list sucks. Castlevania ftw, k?
Omigoodness I remember suffering through Hook and that Xmen game. WHY? I do not remember.
There was another 3D Castlevania. So… yeah. Good job.
Umm, Hydlide was absolutely nothing like the original Zelda game. It was similar to Dragon Warrior, but battles were held out in the real world and not in a “cutscene” portion.
Also, the game Robin Hood was actually quite good. It didn’t follow the movie too much aside from cutscenes, but as a game it was actually pretty nice.
Good list. Was Superman for the N64 not bad enough for ya? :-)
Agree entirely on MLB2K9 I grabbed it at the beginning of the baseball season figured I’d kick it off with a few fun games and test the waters. The game is pretty. That’s it, everything else from controls, to intuitiveness to style all fails horribly flat.
Another honorable mention, Superman64, it doesn’t get much shittier then that.
The robin hood game you show on you tube isn’t the same new game. Get your facts straight before you publish something.
New=nes can’t change it on my iPhone
LOL, oh yeah dude you did indeed pick some winners!
Dude shut up! You’re so whiny…you want a better game than get off your ass and program it
Um..Superman for the N64 anyone?
The Bad Boys narrator was horrid, what a moron.
bugriders? i don’t see it
What about big mutha trucker…
This list is bogus…
Just so you all know, it says “15 of the most awful” not, here are the ONLY 15 awful… the implication is that these are 15 of a larger group. There might just be a sequel, so calm down haters.
why wasn’t any barbie crap up in the worst
Yeah, that you tube video isn’t the NES Robin hood, or at least not the one the wikipedia you linked to is.
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Castillo de vampiro would be awesome.
Why the Mexican refrence though? Mexico is an awesome country.
I feel offended and I’m not even Mexican. Stupid stupid website.
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This list does have some awful gems on it, but you’ve only begun to scratch the list of horrible games. For those of us who remember PC gaming back in the 80s, no NES title could be considered bad, because they were all stable at least. Who remembers playing that Evil Kneivel game? It’s best feature was that whenever you the player crashed, your PC would crash too!
Hopefully this column will spawn some sequels.
I demand a recount. Shaq Fu is not on that list.
[...] In mühevoller Kleinarbeit haben die Online-Enthusiasten aus der langen Geschichte der Computer- und Videogames die ihrer ansicht nach 15 schlimmsten Titel herausgefischt. Mitsamt Cover-Artwork und YouTube-Videos (ja, ich bin zu faul, die alle hierher zu kopieren *gg*. Werft die rote Pille ein und folgt diesem Link). [...]
There are at least 2 other 3D Castlevania’s, Curse of Darkness and Lament of Innocence, and one of the ones announced in E3 is 3D. Don’t forget the fighter (Judgement), although I don’t recall if that’s 3D.
I’ve love an explanation of how a C-64 game released in 1984 could possibly be an adaptation of a movie not released until 1991. Does it involve time travel?
Right, because it’s entirely racist to say that a country known for knockoffs (Hello there, Tijuana) might have knockoff products. Don’t be an oversensitive jackass.
I dont know whats worse, these games, or the hackjob angry nintendo nerd wannabes. Seriously people, get some originality. Also, no one wants to watch your stupid fucking video for 10 minutes. Thats a long ass time.
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Thanks for the props as well as the vicious, scathing criticism. It only makes me stronger. And yes, as for the Robin Hood game vs. Wiki entry, it was mixed up, I admit, just enjoy it for what it is. Sequel is certainly in the works and so far I have at least half a dozen great ideas from you all, appreciate it. Thanks for reading!
As was previously mentioned, the youtube robin hood was not the robin hood for nintendo (which imho was actually a damn fine game for its time.)
What I want to know is why the Bayou Billy was not on this particular list, if only because I can’t think of a single person on the planet who could get past the first damn level without having to replace their television because a controller, thrown with the precision and speed of a Major League pitcher, would get embedded in it after the first five minutes of playing.
Why did you list a different cover for castlevania 64? Legacy of Darkness was a different game.
Definitely DO NOT make another one of these stupid lists. You’re just another angry video game loser with nothing worthwhile to say about any of these games. In fact, why are you playing these so much if they suck? PLEASE PLEASE if you must make another, try to make it funny.
Hydlide predates Zelda.
… check Wikipedia. Though not infallible, I’d say it is enough of a check in this case.
What? No mention about the notorious, ball-busting “Sewer Shark” for Sega CD? A game where even when you did EVERYTHING right, you STILL lost?
Oh, and don’t forget that not only was it impossible to play, but the game was horrid enough to have NPC characters pop in every now and then to berate you, as if it was YOUR fault that you’re not getting anywhere in such a badly-designed clusterfark game.
There’s a few massively horrible games missing, namely Custer’s Last Stand for the Atari 2600 and Limbo of the Lost for the PC. If you want to delve into the world of suckage, I highly recommend giving Limbo of the Lost a try.
It looks like you just did a youtube search for bad games or videos with “worst” in the title. I’m guessing you haven’t played many of these, much less all of them, and no rigor was applied to finding games that were even worse.
Where is Superman 64? Certainly regarded as the worst game on that system, maybe ever.
one of the worst/funniest experiences i have ever had with bad game design was with, Joe Montana football for the sega cd. My friend had just beaten me by making an incredible touch down pass. He of course wanted to see the replay. Well to our befuddlement, in the replay his player drops the pass. no points awarded. Now how bout that! i was crying on the ground from the histerics of it all.
any castlevania is a masterpiece that’s the end of that story
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