The Worldwide Breastfeeding Challenge is finally over and you did it Canada! The sporting highlight of the year has come and gone, and on October 3rd, 2009, the Canadian city of Toronto proved once and for all that they are the cream of the crop when it comes to baby feeding. In the worldwide event that no one else seemed to know was even happening, 190 mothers and 191 babies gathered at the Rosedale Heights School of the Arts in Toronto, or as it’s now colloquially known, the lactation capital of the world, while another 182 pairs participated online for a total of 372 mothers and 373 babies all breastfeeding at the same time, including one trooper who, according to the numbers, was evidently feeding two babies at once.

Where am I supposed to look?!

Many of the women brought friends and family with them for support in what must have been a slightly titillating, but altogether confusing experience for everyone involved, especially for the men who were undoubtedly dragged along to the event. In a room full of women with their breasts exposed in a beautiful display of life-giving motherhood, it would be difficult to figure out exactly where you’re supposed to look. Normally it’d be considered cheating to stare at another woman’s breasts, but when she’s breastfeeding, does that still count? If so, then this event poses a unique challenge to the most useful skill a man has: looking at a woman without getting caught by her eyes, or in this case, the almost 400 other female eyes in the room.

Additionally, what is typically the first and most basic fantasy of every man on Earth, that is, an entire room filled with large exposed breasts, the Breastfeeding Challenge seems like an example of how every fantasy, and every wish can have a catch attached that ruins the whole thing. It’s almost as if the entire thing was someone’s wish after finding a magic lamp, and instead of giving the guy a room full of gorgeous, large breasted women like he wished for, the precocious genie took the wish literally and gave him a room full of engorged nursing women just to confuse the hell out of him.

It's so beautiful. And arousing. Man, I'm so confused.