Twelve WTF Canned Foods
I don’t know what it is that possesses people to just randomly stick supposed food items into cans. Maybe it’s that whole convenience thing, or maybe it’s that age-old belief that canned edibles are somehow fresher or better tasting, or maybe it’s just the wanton desire to see what kind of bizarrely arbitrary shit can potentially receive the canning treatment. Evidently people don’t understand that once the food is canned, it’s essentially pasteurized (that is to say, ‘cooked’) within it’s metallic tomb thereby rendering it fully consumable right after opening. Yeah, well, that’s just wrong. I can see veggies and fruit (hey, that’s yummy), and sure, various sea-faring critters (tuna, hell yeah) and soups and broths and whatnot, but these twelve completely ridiculous items are just so very wrong.
Fish Assholes
Are you kidding me? What the hell is going on here? What I do know is that you can find this stuff right down the street from where I live in a little ‘Country Store’ called Stillwaters. Now I have been unable thus far to actually find out what’s really behind this label, but I suspect something far more innocuous.
Canned Alligator
From what I understand (though I have not personally been privy) alligator meat is quite delicious and rather healthy. However, since this swill is in a can, I have my doubts.
Canned Brown Bread
According to the Vermont Country Store web site, you can, potentially: “Serve right out of the can or toast, bake, or microwave it,” and that it comes plain or with raisins. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Pork Brains in a Can
Also it’s in milk gravy. Sweet, sweet Jesus.
Can O’ Grasshoppers
Yes, I’m aware this product is more than likely made for pets like lizards and other reptiles, but you can’t honestly tell me no one on this planet won’t eat grasshoppers, canned or otherwise. I’m sure they’re chock full of protein or something.
All Day Breakfast
If I understand the theory here in this nightmare, the containments are supposed to provide you with a load of energy for your shift, I don’t know, in the Amazon Rain Forest. But, and I can’t stress this enough, there are eggs in here. Eggs.
Canned Stewed Pork
Nothing inherently wrong with this I guess. I’d imagine it not too far from a Spam-like meat product. Or I suppose it could look like gelatinous pig boogers. Wait, that is Spam. Never mind.
Lamb Tongues in a Can
Well thank goodness for that, because we all know how difficult it can be to get a hold of fresh lamb tongues, am I right ladies?
Reindeer
Apparently quite popular in Scandinavian countries and at least one state, Alaska, reindeer meat is quite hearty and can provide a necessary and healthy boost while dog-sledding through Arctic wastelands. I’ve got six or seven cans right now in my rucksack.
Canned Hamburger
Nothing satisfies like a big, delicious hamburger. Conversely, this abomination is an affront to Freedom and the American Way, including possibly Christianity, too. Fully-cooked, hamburger-shaped patties in a can. Ready to eat. Or, just chuck ‘em right in the toilet.
Silkworm Pupae
This, friends, is what the End of Days looks like.
Canned Whole Chicken
I rescind my former statement. This is every meal in Hell. Mark my words.
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The Brown Bread is good. I am so getting me a can of all day breakfast!
the canned whole chicken is the grossest thing i have ever seen. blaggghghghg. (those are barf sounds, mine are kind of weird)
[...] posted a list of the twelve most outrageous canned foods, and in the process, uncovered this Optimus Prime can statue. Perfect timing, considering the new [...]
This is Bizzarre.. Somr=e of the stuff actually is interesting and I would like to try, but silk worms are Just plain gross11
What?! no potted meat?! that stuff is like rotting death
popurls.com // popular today…
story has entered the popular today section on popurls.com…
Brown bread in a can is bitching. Had it all the time growing up.
You sir have apparently never tried the wonders of ‘Spotted Dick’
http://www.amazon.com/Heinz-Spotted-Dick-Pudding-10-5oz/dp/B000LAYC6C
The “Whole Chicken in a Can” and even the Pork Brains have been going around lately…
The Chicken picture is even copped from the original site that talked about that abomination :)
http://ihatemymessageboard.com/2009/04/23/a-whole- …
She mentions the Pork Brains as well (with related article!), MMmmmmmm BRAINS !
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I’ve had the canned whole chicken and the brown bread.
The bread’s tasty, kind of sweet like gingerbread.
The chicken falls apart as you take it out of the can, but is quite edible once seasoned properly.
When I was in high school and we did the holiday gift baskets for poor people, one of my classmates brought to school a can of …
… wait for it …
Kangaroo Tail Soup.
I like how you’re like ewww canned bread but spam is no big deal. oh, and there are eggs in a lot of things.
wait, brown bread is a wtf food? have you tried brown bread before?! It’s a new england classic! Hot dogs, baked beans and brown bread were a staple growing up
Spotted Dick is another one, its some sort of desert bread. Funny as hell.
I love how you have stolen images from other websites and used them without permission or credit. Classy.
Brown Bread – pretty good, actually.
Reminds me of the little old couple here in town 20 years ago who bought a can of crisco thinking they were getting a can with chicken. Boy were they surprised!
Could you open a can of fish assholes and show us what’s inside?
[...] Twelve WTF Canned Foods | Gunaxin. [...]
I think I’m gonna be sick after seeing some of those.
I agree with the Brown Bread Brigade. Slice it, toast it in the oven, butter the hell out of it and narf it alongside franks and beans. Somehow, the combination works. Lots of good mustard also important, it balances the sweetness of the other stuff.
Brown bread is awesome sliced and hot with butter. Tastes like a rich bran muffin, whole wheat flour and molasses. Steamed breads aren’t weird — bagels are boiled.
Canned tongue was my favorite sandwich to bring to school, on white bread with mustard. Kinda like corned beef.
Brown bread rocks!
“…but you can’t honestly tell me no one on this planet won’t eat grasshoppers…”
My word that was hard to follow. And I’m pretty sure you’ve got the wrong number of negatives.
[...] Foods No One Should Ever Eat Jump to Comments Gunaxin has a list of “Twelve WTF Canned Foods.” Here are my [...]
For those curious, nutrition facts for the pork brains in milk gravy can be seen at this site http://donnerpartykitchenstaff.com/pblog/index.php?entry=entry080407-052115
In the UK the eat FAGGOTS!
Don’t believe me?
Google Mr Brain’s faggots.
http://artiewayne.files.wordpress.com/2007/02/faggots.jpg
What?! Are you soft or somthing?! “wtf” is wrong with the all day breky? Its fuckin nice u spastic! Get a real job gimpfeatures
Brown bread isn’t really bread. It’s like molasses cake. It’s totally good with breakfast.
Just adding to the Brown Bread brigade here. It’s good.
How about Heinz Spotted Dick Pudding, 10-Ounce Cans (Pack of 6)
The hamburger meat in a can is nothing. I hope you’re already aware there’s a complete hamburger in a can, bun/lettuce/cheese and all.
Apparently it’s not that bad to eat.
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[...] 12 WTF Canned Foods. [...]
Yummy! Now if they can figure out how to can my favorite dish, chicken fried bacon, the gustatory world will cheer.
How about Mad Cow but in Swine form? Thats what you get in a can of Pig Brains; Can of Mad Pig anyone?
My goodness, what yuck, but I have to admit to consuming a canned chicken once when on a camping trip, and ya, it WAS good – but only because of the “hinterland primitive” conditions we were living in, having eaten only oatmeal for four days.
I have not though of food being in a can for many years now – repeat after me:
Food is Whole
Food is Good
Food is Fresh
Food is Grown
[...] 12 WTF Canned Foods. [...]
I would imagine the Fish Assholes are spaghetti-o’s.
Mmmmmm…. . canned Fish , Manhattan Style too!
Pork brain? For zombies on a diet from human brain?
hmm, i would hope that dr. collins could examine a few of these fish asshole cans, so as to determine its proper application in ointment dispersement. a rigorous exercise in hillbilly retro dancing.
as for the silkworm pupa, and all day breakfast i would say that everyday is an all day breakfast in homosexual disco chicanery. preferably from buffy chicano’s who play softball.
ditto with the brown bread, and I’m not even from New England.
Doesn’t even have to be toasted – delicious with cream cheese, too.
more like good for getting SWINE FLUUUUUUUU! ! ! ! ! ! PANIC! etc etc.
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Pork brain? For zombies on a diet from human brain?
Well, my day is made after digesting that content.
Anyone else find it funny that the article was posted by “stew”
lol Interesting reading thanks.
Zombies are well represented in the cannedfood department.
My sister gave me a case of spotted dick one Christmas. Badumching!
« you can’t honestly tell me no one on this planet won’t eat grasshoppers »
People living in jungles and such do eat insects. Basically insects are the same family than prawns, lobster and such, and taste the same, so they say.
Maybe if one day I find myself starving to death I will manage to eat some, but for now the « Eww » factor makes me ill only by thinking about it. :)
[...] Fish Asshole? A joke obviously, but it sounds about as appetising as the other stuff on this list. [Gunaxin] Tagged:cookingfast foodfoodgrossrandom stufftaste [...]
They left the UK favorite Heinz Spotted Dick Sponge Pudding off of the list. Can’t you just hear that marketing pitch, “I got it – we’ll take this STD I have and turn it into a tasty treat…”
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